BEE SEX IS REALLY FUNNY OKAY HEAR ME OUT
BASICALLY THE MALE BEE GOES TO THE QUEEN AND INSERTS ITS PENIS INTO THE QUEEN BEE AND THEN THEY EJACULATE AT SUCH A HIGH SPEED THAT THEY GENITALS FUCKING EXPLODE AND ARE LEFT IN THE QUEEN FOREVER AND THE MALE BEE FALLS ON THE GROUND AND DIES
(via chiefnadina)
in the future if my kids tell me that they are gay i’ll just be like “what” because i don’t plan on having any kids so how the hell did they get there
(via city-of-sass)
Reminder of: reason for eggplant’s name
OH MY GOD I HAVE WONDERED ABOUT THIS MY WHOLE LIFE
(via chiefnadina)
I walked into the bathroom to take a piss. I flipped on a light, turned to pee, and looked down into the toilet and went “AHH” because the shadow from my sweatpants on the toilet bowl makes it look like I have a big, meaty, floppy vagina. Trust me, I’m a dude and there’s only one thing on my body that’s big, meaty, and floppy and its not a vagina……..it’s my left nipple. Don’t ask me why its only the left, it just is.
(via memewhore)
“I’ll never forget the day Marilyn and I were walking around New York City, just having a stroll on a nice day. She loved New York because no one bothered her there like they did in Hollywood, she could put on her plain-jane clothes and no one would notice her. She loved that. So as we we’re walking down Broadway, she turns to me and says ‘Do you want to see me become her?’ I didn’t know what she meant but I just said ‘Yes’- and then I saw it. I don’t know how to explain what she did because it was so very subtle, but she turned something on within herself that was almost like magic. And suddenly cars were slowing and people were turning their heads and stopping to stare. They were recognizing that this was Marilyn Monroe as if she pulled off a mask or something, even though a second ago nobody noticed her. I had never seen anything like it before.” - Amy Greene, wife of Marilyn’s personal photographer Milton Greene
One of my favorite stories about celebrity.
(via chiefnadina)
a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work
(via spoonfulofwilson)
oh god.
We’re that bad, huh?
Neopets.
Did you do the thing, Neopets?
Tell me the truth, Neopets.
(via spoonfulofwilson)
my resume is done
(via spoonfulofwilson)
one time in 7th grade everyone in my class got really quiet so i said “dildo” just to see the ridiculous reaction since i knew how immature 7th graders were
for 30 minutes, there was an uncontrollable uproar of laughter and someone fell and hit their head on a chair and had to go to the nurse
because i said dildo.
(via spoonfulofwilson)
A news station was interviewing a man who lived near a dangerous intersection. It is known for an inordinate number of car crashes.
HE JUST KIND OF STEPS BACK
“oh see there you go son”
BALLS OF NONCHALANT STEEL
“See, now this is the kinda shit I’m talking about…”
Woah.
(via spoonfulofwilson)
it’s not even windy her hair just does that
(via spoonfulofwilson)
(via memewhore)
im crying because did disney miss the part where she DIDNT WANT TO DRESS UP FOR THE CEREMONY IN THE MOVIE? NO? OK WERE GONNA IGNORE THAT.
BOOOOOO!!!!
